ACTIVITY CALORIES BURNED
----------------------------------------
REMOVING CLOTHES:
With partner's consent.......................12
Without partner's consent.................187
UNHOOKING BRA:
Using two calm hands.........................7
Using one trembling hand..................36
GETTING INTO BED:
Lifting
partner....................................15
Dragging partner along floor................16
Using skateboard................................3
ACHIEVING ERECTIONS:
For
normal healthy man....................2.5
Losing
erection.................................14
Searching for it................................115
PUTTING ON CONDOM:
With erection..................................1.5
Without erection.............................300
INSERTING DIAPHRAGM:
If
the woman who does it is:
experienced..............................6
Inexperienced..........................73
If a man
does it..............................680
Add (5) calories for retreiving it
from across the room.
POSITIONS ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY:
Italian- Man on top,
woman in
kitchen........................26
Russian- Woman on bottom,
man getting permission................55
American- Both on top.....................60
POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF INTERCOURSE:
Bouncing.........................................7
Sliding around.................................9
Serious skidding............................12
Whiplash.......................................27
ORGASM:
Real.............................................27
Faked.........................................160
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ACTIVITY CALORIES BURNED
--------------------------------------
ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE:
Shoes flew off..................................35
Expression didn'tchange..................1/2
Orchestra swelled..............................6
Birds sang
Large
birds...................................7
Small
birds..................................3
Earth
moved....................................30
PULLING OUT:
After orgasm..................................1/2
A few moments before orgasm........500
PENIS ENVY:
For
woman........................................3
For
men..........................................72
GUILT:
Despite no formal training, orgasm
comes easily, naturally....................53
You're enjoying sex, despite the
fact that other people are
starving............................................2
Sex on your lunch hour......................3
Putting it on expense account...........20
AGGRAVATION:
Partner keeps showing plants.............5
Partner insists on cuddling the dog
during
foreplay.................................14
Partner just visited bathroom for
7th
time..........................................10
Partner is taking phone calls..............7
Partner is making phone calls...........40
GETTING CAUGHT:
By
partner's spouse.........................60
By
your spouse.............................100
Trying
to explain..............................55
Trying to remain calm.....................100
Leaping out of bed...........................75
Getting dressed in one motion........500
Thanking partner quickly....................2
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