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Uncle Ray on God and Potato Chips
Written by Raffman on July 2 2004
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Roadtrips are quite an amazing experience. Packing four or five of your friends into a
crowded car and driving hundreds or sometimes thousands of miles just for a weekend makes for some great company. Well, that good company
usually only is around on the way there. Driving home is an entirely different thing, and it usually has it's fair share of sleeping,
bitching, and whining. This past weekend, as I mentioned last update, I took a trip 350 miles south to my university to party it up for the
weekend, Will Smith style. We rode 4 deep in my Honda CRV, so we sat
comfortably. The ride home though was quite an experience, as we added a fifth wheel to spice things up a bit. His name was Uncle Ray, and
he was Beyond Good.
Some of you may have heard of Uncle Ray's potato chips, and some of you may be writing me an email telling me to lay off the crack-cocaine. You're probably asking yourself, "Why devote an
entire article completely to some hick's potato chip line?" My answer to that is to give me a chance, because as Uncle Ray once said, "You
will not be disapointed." Uncle Ray's potato chips is a sweet line of chips that can be found at only the trashiest of midwestern gas
stations. Even more incredible is the fact that you can only expect to see them at the most remote ones, usually the gas stations off major
highways with no cities or towns within a 40 mile radius. If you've ever been able to get your hands on a bag of Uncle Ray's, then you must
know the excitement. The excitement of knowing you can get two for just one American dollar. The excitement of holding your breath as you
flip the bag over to see which chapter of Uncle Ray's life you'll get on the back of your potato chips. The orgasmic thrill you get when the first chip touches
your salivating tongue.
For us, the excitement came in the stories, not the chips. Hell, the chips were fuckin
mediocre at best. Uncle Ray's life-stories on the back was where it was at. Just hearing my buddy read them in a "Deliverance" style
voice, coupled with the many quotes of wisdom by Uncle Ray himself and the many included Bible scriptures, made the time fly by. See Uncle
Ray didn't care just about making mediocre potato chips; he cared about you, the ones who
buy his chips just to laugh at him. Taken from his mission statement, "Quality, Service, and Pride is our commitment to our customers. We
are in business to make a product that satisfies the consumer and to give a testament of faith to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." What
other product can you eat and receive spiritual words of wisdom at the same time? I can't think of any. So next time you're driving through
B.F.E and you're in need of a good laugh, and some spiritual advice, look no further than a
delicious bag of Uncle Ray's potato chips.
For those of you who haven't heard, good ol' Britney Spears is apparantly pregnant.
No surprise to me, really. Come to think of it, I don't even know why this is even in the news. Everyone already knows she's a slut; why do we need the constant reminders? Oh wait, it's fun.
Anywho, I went and saw The Terminal last night and I posted the review
here. If you're on the fence and not sure about it then check it out before-hand and see whatcha think. All of our navigation sections
have been deuced with delicious, new content so be sure to check all of them out. With the weekend approaching, have some fun but just don't be that guy. No one likes that.
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