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Name: Tony
Nickname: NOVA (as in, NO vagina!)
AIM: tonycoco2001
MSN: tonycoco
Favorite Beer: Budweiser
Favorite Mixed Drink: White Russian or pretty much anything w/ fuckin Kahlua
Favorite Shot: Puckers ... no jk, how about some 151?
Favorite Quote: There are too many. "Uh, hang on, I'm uh, tuning the guitar!"
School: Southern Illinois University Carbondale
I have a girlfriend, and she is banging. I am whipped.
So after a very long summer touring beaches and fucking chicks with my 3-incher, I’m back at my $12,000 a year camp so that I can attend my fraternity. Anyway, I decided this year to keep a journal. I also, once again, have registered for only the 420 classes in each department, bahhh.
Ok, so after I had my shit hauled to my room by these homeless guys I bought 40’s for, and then had my maid Isabella set up my stuff, I went to my brothers and was totally like “Yo, you wanna start partying bra’?” and they were totally like “I’m already there man” – and they was. They was fully, full-on quadruple fisting three 40’s and a chick at the same time. No joke. So then to get the morning started I funneled probably like 2 or 3….maybe 4 beers in the first minute – had a good beer buzz going for sure. Then this penis smoker brought in this microbrew that looked ultra gay, so I punched him over to Beta Theta Pi, the shittiest, most urine-funneling, race-tolerant frat on campus. I would rather be exposed to radiation than the brothers there. And then I took a heady hit of his brew.
Later that morning we started hitting Smirnoff Smack (250 proof) – it’s where you have to inject hits of alcohol intravenously. We are also planning to sneak into the chemistry labs tonight and experiment with the crystallization of alcohol, it’s gonna be so rad. Hopefully not fatal. But back to the present here for a sec, at this point, between me and my brothers, we had consumed probably I’m guessing, and this is just ball park here, 4 million gallons of beer, all the while stacking the cans in front of these transfers' room. We were fine, but all these freshman who haven’t evolved to drinking alcohol yet because they suck, were puking on me and shit… but I started drinking it because this transfer down the hall, who couldn’t get into his room due to the blockade of cans, told me you can get high off that shit. And I so did.
I quickly drifted back into the world of the latent, unspoken homosexuality my brothers and I share – untapped, like a brimming keg of beer, ready to explode out the pump like a load of semen in dude’s bunghole. Hope I didn’t get too philosophical there. So then after flying over to pick up a broad, I came back and started coming down from the vomit trip. Colors were jizzing all over in the insides of my eyeballs. I was awake, I think. I’m awesome. – a journal by Weak Happy
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