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Testing the Margaritas on Tatooine
Written by Raffman on January 27 2005
Ebaums World FUBAR WTF People College Free Stuff Exbyte |
Added thirty new hilarious text files today, here's one of them! True
story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and
my girlfriend? She was a
dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective
sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She
would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear.
It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little
sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to
me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she
couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make
love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and
couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go
ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I
watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and
threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went
straight to the front door. Id the door and stepped out of the house. I walked
straight towards my car. My future father
-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very
happy that you have passed our little
test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family. The
moral of the story is, keep your condoms in
the car. Be sure to check out the rest in the Text Files
section.
If you're wondering who the old geezer in the storm trooper outfit is, well, you're in for a treat. An anonymous
buddy of mine sent me a link to this guy's
website, and I about shat myself. Apparently this dude has his own storm trooper
outfit and travels to Planet Tatooine on
a weekly basis. Even cooler, "Old Sarge Oberon" served during the Rebel Uprising after
the Clone Wars, and was among the troopers who were "First through the Door" when
Princess Leia's Rebel ship was captured by Darth Vader's forces. You know, I really
liked the original Star Wars films, and I'm not afraid to admit it. This guy just takes it a little too far
though, don't you think? From the info
on his website, it looks like he sleeps in the goddamn costume which doesn't surprise me.
There are some sweet quotes on there though like, "Trooper 'Oberon' TD124 and TK823 of
the 501st Legion Empire City Garrison, display their desert cannons. With such awesome weapons, the 'Rebels' on Planet
Tatooine had little chance." As hilarious
as this crap is, someone should email
the old man and remind him that the Rebels fucking won. You'd think he'd know that after
seeing the movie a couple million times. And I thought I was stubborn, damn.
On top of all the new text files, there are nearly ten new movie reviews, lots of new
jokes, over 20 new sex moves, and oh so much more.
Here's a great joke that was submitted yesterday that I know everyone will enjoy: A
salesman is driving toward home in Northern Arizona when he sees a Navajo man
hitchhiking. Because the trip had been long and quiet, he stops the car and the Navajo
man climbs in. During their small talk, the Navajo man glances surreptitiously at a
brown bag on the front seat between them. "If you're wondering what's in the bag," offers
the salesman, "it's a bottle of wine.
I got it for my wife." The Navajo man is silent for awhile, nods several times and says,
"Good trade." Lots more content coming today, be sure to stop by! Mission Accomplished!
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