Heeeeey, here's the new layout. Hope you enjoy, I'll post more when I get to it. mmmmmkay. TATA.
March 20, 2003
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Hiiii. I'm gunna make this quick because I
got a whole lotta readin goin on. Obviously the main news in this crazy world of ours is
Operation Iraqi Freedom, aka Operation Bomb Saddam.
About damn time. I was talking with James,
and we both agree with Bush's decision. James makes a good argument on his site for Pro-War and
how most silly
protestors don't even know
why they are protesting.
There was a "walk-out" today on JMU campus at 3 pm. All the
Anti-War activists gathered in the commons to show their disagreement with the war and/or the
Bush administration. That is their right, and that is what makes America so great: being able to
speak their minds. However, you are now in smit land and I suggest you save your breath and your
crappy cardboard box signs. What is the point of protesting the war AFTER the war has begun?
Where was the walkout even 72 hours ago? That's something you might wanna work on. War is
inevitable, so accept it. I love how protestors are portraying Bush to be this evil mongrel and
Saddam to be this poor little defenseless man. He's a fucking
tyrant. There is no possible way to deal with this dictator besides military force.
Diplomacy is ideal, but it's not gunna happen. Some people might've prefered that the Bush
administration wait until the UN inspectors found banned weapons. How long people? We've been
waiting fucking years for Iraq to disarm. How's this for those "non-existent" banned weapons? Iraq is firing
at U.S. troops with missles that they claimed to not have in the first place! Some people might
say that Iraq poses no threat to the United States. I dare you to say that when one of those non-existent chemical missles lands in your back yard.
People are claiming
that Bush is only after the Iraqi oil fields. If it was all about oil, we could easily conquer
Kuwaiti and Saudi Arabian oil fields. And anyways the top three countries that America get its
oil from are Venezuela, Canada, and Russia. Hell, let's conquer everyone because Bush is sooo
hung up on oil. Fuck off. And people are bitching about how the President has not presented any
information to the public or United Nations about Iraq having any weapons of mass destruction.
Well, NO SHIT. He's obviously not going to reveal information that could only be obtained by spy
sources inside Iraq unless he wants Saddam to start butchering any suspected informants. You
have just got to trust George Dubya, and believe that he has his reasons to believe that ousting
Saddam and his regime is the right choice, right now. Oh, and the deal with France? France is the reason why the U.N.
could never pass a resolution with Iraq. Maybe it's because France gets its oil from Iraq? DING
DING DING. I say let's just bomb them while we are at it. Name one French
military victory. So put down your worthless signs and get your head out of your ass.
We've got a war to win. I want to wish all the troops home and overseas best of luck, and a big
thanks for protecting my freedom.
Also, be sure to check out all the links that I've added on the left of this site. They are all quality sites and I recommend every single one of them. :)
March 18, 2003
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Well, here's part 2 of the Nawlins pictures. Ryan Gray
and I developed our disposable film pictures, while Danwho scanned them. Most of the
pictures are similar to those that were taken with the digicams, but some are not. Hmm... like I
said in the previous update, as soon as we arrived at Tulane, we saw all the shitty beads thrown in the trees and we just had to steal them. I'm not really sure why I have a thumbs up in every single picture, but
hey, I think it might be because I have beads and you don't. Before I went to New Orleans,
everyone kept asking "What is the point of going to New Orleans if it's not Mardi Gras?" Okay,
JACKASS. Our spring break was one week after Mardi Gras, AND it's a little known fact
that the week after Mardi Gras is actually even a bigger party than Mardi Gras. You brainwashed ignorant fucks.
If you are wondering
what exactly goes on on Bourbon Street, well here's the scoop.beverage containers are
legal. Women flash year round. Men flash and get arrested. The street is covered in vomit and
urine and feces. And this is all the week after Mardi Gras. A very good fake State-issued
liscense or form of I.D.(or being of age helps too) is required for the better and fancier bars,
but chances are you can roll up to any of the street vendors and get a dollar draft with a shitty
or no I.D. at all. If you want to get drunk, you can get drunk. I had an ID from another college
that looks nothing like me. Ryan Gray and Danwho edited their JMU college ID birthdates to make
them of age, and it worked brilliantly. We were the only white people in the entire ghetto ass
Winn-Dixie every single night, and both of them successfully purchased beer and liquor with their
ID's. Ryan Gray and I were both allowed in the club Utopia with our crappy ID's, and Tara, our
host, was allowed in with pictures of her recently aquired mugshot, but that's another story. In
Utopia, Tara was getting busy grinding her junk on
the stage while Ryan Gray and I were getting busy
getting ripped off by the bartender who served me a $5.50 bottle of Bud Light. Oh, and we
swear she was hotter than the picture makes her out to be. SUCKERS! I also dropped like 9
dollars in ones and a big black guy picked it up and tried to say it was his but somehow I
convinced him to give it back. Maybe it was the fact that I told him I was packin heat and he
can't be any geek off the street, gotta be handy with the steel if you know what I mean, earn
your keep. Also in Utopia is where Ryan Gray stepped on some black guy's foot in the bathroom
and some ruckus was about to go down there as well, but Ryan Gray put that bitch in his place.
Then we ventured outside to find Steve and Danwho in the street waiting for us, and then we
spotted this midget who was taking pictures for a dollar. What a steal. Danwho and I couldn't pass up
this opportunity to snap pics with the world's smallest truck either! WE LOVE SMALL THINGS.
March 16, 2003
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Nawlins baby Nawlins! (All the gray words are links to pictures, jerkface.) Steve drove Danwho,
Ryan Gray, and I 18 hours to New Orleans on Friday. We left at 2:30 p.m. and arrived at our
destination, Tara's dormroom at Tulane University at 4 am, 3 am local time. We commence drinking
after a long ass drive. Considering we arrived a week after Mardi Gras, there are beads thrown
in every single tree in Nawlins... mainly the crappy ones. Seeing our chance to gather up free
beads, we decide to get all the beads we could out of the trees, bushes, or sewers. Then Danwho immediately takes off his pants and begins to
write his name in the quad outside the dorm. It's daylight now and then we decide to sleep until noon.
One night we decided to get real Nawlins food, but the place was closed and we came across this Pet Bakery which was also closed. We finally
went to a ghetto ass hole in the wall in the "bad section of town," in which we were put away in
the back and they didn't serve me BBQ ribs that I wanted, wahhhh. But they did manage to have cockroaches. Danwho seemed to enjoy his meal at O'Henry's. MMMMMmmmm good.
Okay, that is a rough summary of Nawlins. Check out the rest of the digicam photos here or here. We drove back on Thursday for 20 straight
hours. hahahah. And Steve was the only person who drive the entire time because he is the only
one who can drive stick. HAHAHA. That's right ladies, REAL MEN DRIVE STICK.
I'm swamped with work this week, but I'll try to add more pictures and/or stories about our trip sometime. yeahright. Also wanted to give a shoutout to my boy SAM of Green Eggs and Sam because he is leaving for the United States Army a week from this Tuesday. That's right, Saddam. Look the fuck out! Everyone feel free to wish him luck by IMing him at SAM3794384, or clicking here you fat lazy bastard.
Oh, and for all you lazy arses who don't wanna bother writing a research paper, or you just need to look at some other papers, or you just need to get an idea, or you go to UVa and wanna try and pass somebody else's paper as your own, then check out SmartPaperz.com
Also, before you go,VOTE FOR ME HERE and HERE even if you already voted, click again.
Oh, if you are still looking for those "Naked Olsen Twins" pictures that most everyone is here searching for, then go here. And stay there.
March 6, 2003
Navigation
Well, 2 more days until half of 1145 J and Danwho and maybe Ryan Gray venture off into the crazy
land of drunkeness and debauchery: Nawleans, ya know watta mean? GET GEEEET EXCITED! I seriously
have no money, so if you would like to donate some money, then give me some money. Make checks
out to the Here Smitty - Have - Some - Of - My - Money - Because - You - Are - A - Lazy - Arse -
FUNd. Notice I bolded the word FUN because after all, this is a FUN-draiser, so you
should have fun getting me money. Sucker.
I don't know if you have been watching television lately, but reality television has hit an
all-time low. I reminisce about and miss the days of the original Survivor when Rich was the
naked flaming homosexual all up in old man Rudy's bits. Even "Who Wants to Be A Millionaire"
struck my fancy. I would stay in on those hot summer nights just to gaze into Regis' eyes and
get that tingly sensation in my pants when I mouthed the words "Yes, Regis that's my final
answer." Then ABC had the brilliant idea to play the show 34 hours a week, and that's when I got
sick of it. No, really. I would vomit all over my green carpet at the sound of the Millionaire
music. And since then, reality TV has taken all of America as zombies. Who gives a fuck if
Trista married Ryan? And that big ogre Evan? I don't. (Even though I did watch Joe Millionaire.
hahahaahahhahahaha) Anyways, every other show is a reality TV spectacular, and I didn't mind
most of them... but most recent events have convinced me otherwise. "Married by America" - No
thanks. "Are You Hot?" - Die die die. But the main point I was getting to was the Michael Essany Show on E! The
concept of the show is pretty neat, I'll give you that. It's about a kid who hosts his own talk
show in his house. He's been doing it since he was 14 for the local cable network, and now he's
a freshman at Valpo. His mom and dad are his crew members, and he sets up interviews with
semi-famous people and even does monologues. The thing is: He's not funny. He's the biggest
dork I've ever seen. His laugh is so fricking fake it makes me want to claw my eyes out. His
monologue and skits are a direct ripoff of Conan O'Brien, the god of late night talk shows. His
interviewing skills are lacking. Seriously folks, this kid should be fed to a pack of rabid
babies and drowned in a tub of stomach acid.
Music is also pissing me off. I haven't been impressed with anything that's been on the radio or
the almighty MTV. Actually, I like the All-American Rejects and their song Swing, Swing. As well
as Fitty Cent "In the Club." He's gangsta. But most of the rap = crap nowadays. I miss the Wu
and NWA and my nickas Pac and Big. Speaking of rap, this article is
about how the United States currency is going to change colors. Everyone is thinking, "WOW
THAT'S SO COOL!" Big deal. Welcome America to the world. Now all the rappers can't rap about
"gotta get dat green" or "greenies" or "greendafizzle".. they gotta rap about pink and violet
money. HAHAHA FAGGOTS! I used to consider myself a fan of "pop punk" but shit bands like Good
Charlotte, Sum41, Simple Plan, and American Hi-Fi are all over the radio, and it kills my taste
for that kind of music. They all suck. If you like them, you suck. It's not punk rock. So take
off your gay makeup and die. I've always been a fan of New Found Glory, but as of now, I could
care less if I ever heard them again. Their album "Sticks and Stones" blows goats. One of my
favorite bands, Finch, was just on MTV2. The video is cool as shit, and I hope they don't play
it to death. And The Ataris have a video out as well. Great. Fucking great. So I've been
listening to the more calmer, emotional side of music. Like Jack's Broken Heart... I can't get
enough. And Elliot, Something Corporate, Juliana Theory, and the Get Up Kids. Bah, you don't
care.
Whenever I go to P.C. Dukes to get a hot ham and cheese and fries, I normally opt for a Barq's
root beer from the soda fountain. Now, if you didn't know because you are half retarded, root
beer likes to foam up very easily. Every fucking time I am filling up my 20 ounce styrofoam cup,
I get about halfway full and stop to let the foam subside. And there's always some BITCH
waiting in line literally nudging me and grunting under her breath for me to move, and I usually
oblige and go sit down and drink my measly 10 ounces of root beer. Today, however was a
different story. The same exact scenario. Smit gets root beer. Root beer foams. Bitch scoffs.
Smit's pissed. This time I told the bitch "Chill the fuck out," and she looked at me in shock.
She said,"Excuuuuuuse me?!" and I said, "Yeah, that's right bitch. I am going to fill my cup up
with 20 ounces of root beer, and you can just take a chill pill." And then she said that she was
scoffing because I had stepped in a fresh cowpie and had tracked it all over the dining hall.
Flustered and discouraged, I ran. Sippin' on my sweet 20 ounces.
The war against terrorism and Iraq and yadda yadda is certainly directing our everyday lives.
Recently, when the Terror Alert was raised, people starting freaking out. Wrapping their homes
up with duct tape and plastic wrap to save them for four hours if the city underwent a chemical
or biological warfare attack. If we did get attacked, hopefully it's one of those 3 hour 59
minute bombs because otherwise you suffocate in your own home. Retards. However, I will be
starting a business in which I will wrap up buildings with plastic wrap and duct tape and glue.
That is what I did all last summer when I sealed up tobacco warehouses. I have the skills and
the knowledge and the will to save YOU from dying. Thank you terrorism for providing me
with a job. We could be on the brink of extinction due to nuclear warfare. The United States is
going to destroy Iraq whether everyone in this crazy world
joins together and makes one big giant people ball to protest or not. Sorry charlie. George
Dubya is on a mission. Sucks to be Iraq. Even though I'm leaning to the no-war side, I'm
accepting it as reality. Dubya has already stated that protests will not deter him one bit, and
denounces everything that Iraq or even the UN claims. Big deal if you are destroying missles,
too late now biiiiatch. What pisses me off the most about this whole ordeal is North Korea. Who
the fuck are they to get into our fun and games? We are talking about invading Iraq and ousting
Sodamn Insane (hahahahaha) from office, and then North Korea all of a sudden jumps in and
threatens to bomb us, nuclearly. I don't know about you, but I'm calling their bluff. Even
though the communist Koreans are scary as fuck in movies, they can only pray that we continue to
play their games so we can give them money so they can live a half decent life in that shit
country of theirs. The leader's name is Kim. And it's a GUY! HAHAHA. FAGGGGGs! Click here for more Asian craziness!
"Run Forrest Run!" Cram it. Nobody should ever be allowed to quote ANYTHING from Forrest
Gump. It was not intended to be funny the first time, and it is definitely not funny the 43
googlplexian times I have heard it since then. Nobody sounds like Jenny or Forrest or Bubba, so
shut your piehole. It's the number one quoted movie in the world, and I know because 54% of stats
are made up on the spot. The next time I hear anything about different kinds of shrimp or boxes
of chocolate, I will flatten your face with a shovel.
Oh, and for all you lazy arses who don't wanna bother writing a research paper, or you just need to look at some other papers, or you just need to get an idea, or you go to UVa and wanna try and pass somebody else's paper as your own, then check out SmartPaperz.com
Also, before you go,VOTE FOR ME HERE and HERE even if you already voted, click again.
Oh, if you are still looking for those "Naked Olsen Twins" pictures that most everyone is here searching for, then go here. And stay there.
March 4, 2003
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Wassabi! HEY LADIES! AAOOOOOHHH! Quick notes.
Spring Break is only 5 days away. Steve, Danwho, somebody else, and I are spending it in the Big
Easy, Nawleans style. Bitchin. I've never been off the East Coast and this is surely going be
quite the experience. Especially since none of us have any money at all, and plan to eat 10 cent
Ramen for three meals a day, every day. And the rest on non-alcoholic beverages. I'll probably
bring my camera and take pictures, but I may end up trading it for some barbecue.
MMM... barbecue. Funny you should mention that, because that's all I eat. And most of you
peoples thought that last week's picture was really me. HAHAH BOY WERE YOU WAY OFF. The picture
of me above is the real me. My own mother thought I was anorexic. Oh, and the PimpSNO (which
was weiner's idea) is a fake too. Can you say gullible? Dude, just say it.
I was in my biology lab, and we were looking at the SAME FRICKING CELLS that everyone
looks at EVERY FRICKING YEAR. Yeah, that's right. You can name em. Come on, say them
with me. Elodea. Onion. Cheek. My partner and I were having the damndest time trying to dye
the onion cells blue for the station we were at. Everyone else was moving from station to
station awing at all the beautiful cells, while we continued to screw ours up EVERY FRICKING
TIME. Then we said, fuck it. Well, we couldn't just let everyone look at our crappy slide,
so I had an idea. I wrote on a really small piece of paper in really small writing "Look at
theirs" meaning the microscope that another lab group did correctly at our onion station, and replaced our crappy slide with the paper. My
professor was going around checking out all the slides and giving thumbs up and high fives to
students, while my partner and I were snickering at another station waiting for our thumbs up
and/or high fives. He got to ours and tried focusing in and out, and then took his glasses off
and looked again, and then looked at again, and then finally realized that a twenty-year-old student at a prestigious university replaced his coveted cells with a freakin flippin note. I don't think he found it funny because he said
"This isn't funny." So much for my high five.
Well, in case you haven't noticed, I added an 1145 J section of links to the left of my site.
Here you can find my all my roommates websites! OOOOHO YEAH!
Oh, and for all you lazy arses who don't wanna bother writing a research paper, or you just need to look at some other papers, or you just need to get an idea, or you go to UVa and wanna try and pass somebody else's paper as your own, then check out SmartPaperz.com
Also, before you go,VOTE FOR ME HERE and HERE even if you already voted, click again.
Oh, if you are still looking for those "Naked Olsen Twins" pictures that most everyone is here searching for, then go here. And stay there.
February 24, 2003
Navigation
Grrreetings. Sorry for the lack of attention
that I have paid to my site recently. Crooked sad face. I really haven't had any motivation to
update, or to do anything productive. I went to the gym for the first time today in over two
weeks, the longest period I've gone without working out in months. Now I'm not only pale and
boyish, but pale, boyish, and weak. At least I'm not a vegetarian.
Speaking of vegetarians, or those "hardcore" vegans that I hear so much from when I'm waiting in
line for a chicken patty. "God, I was at the vegan line and the chef said there was eggs in the
vegan meal and I almost crapped lettuce because he doesn't even know how to pronounce vegan."
That's when I stepped in and gouged her eyes out and then ate them because after all, humans are
omnivores. Hell, I'm a carnivore. My diet consists regularly of BBQ hot pockets, Tombstone BBQ
chicken pizza, hot dogs, eggs, ham and cheese, and dead baby cows. The whole "ethical" argument
for vegetarians is invalid. Humans are animals. Meat-eating animals. That is why I have
incisors. Not to tear away at that brussel sprout, but to rip apart the once living flesh of a
cute, little baby lamb. And vegetarians are more likely to have premature births and have fucked
up kids, than a smart human who gets all her nutrients from meat annnd vegetables. A dietary
supplement pill and a salad won't cut it, jerkface. And if you think about it, the only true
vegan is a dead vegan. There's no possible way to not harm animals in your everyday life. I
just stepped on an ant. Whoops! But I ate it, whereas a vegan would sit there and mourn. Suck it
up. And eat it. Check out this
article for further insight.
I've had some wicked crazy dreams about getting chased by horses and panthers. You try running
from horses and panthers. And for some reason, the Mitsibushi logo always makes appearances.
You know, the three diamonds arranged in a triangle. So I'm wondering if it has any significance.
Considering I'm psychic and all, I'm sure it does. Last summer, I had a dream about the mobster
John Gotti dying. The following morning, I turn on CNN and what do I see? John Gotti had just
died. Sam asked me to guess what card he had in his hand. I correctly said 8 of hearts on my
first try. That Creed song "Higher" was in my head, and I was singing it. I get in the car, and
the first song on the radio is "Higher". During the whole sniper ordeal, while the entire nation
was looking for the infamous white van, I stated that while the police stopped every van from
here to VANcouver, the sniper would just roll by in his blue Chevette. And what do you know?
The snipers were found in a blue Chevy. I am psychic and you are not.
Here are some pictures submitted by loyal fans. Send me anything. The Peeing Mexican drawing was
sent by Will and his description is "The Mexican is decked out in the latest Mexican camo gear.
Get it?" SAHHHHWEEEET.
"
Occasionally I will hear a catchy song such as Avril's "Sk8er Boi" or Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow's
"Picture" and I download the mp3 and play it over and over and over and James also gets to enjoy
it because his room is right next to mine. Well recently I've been listening to the new Reggie
and the Full Effect album, along with my old Jack's Broken Heart CD. I'll put up two songs that
I currently listen to over and over. Jack's Broken Heart - Loved and Lost
Everything and Reggie and the Full Effect - Happy v.Day. You are
welcome.
Enjoy our romance filled Valentine's Day pictures.
This is my senior class photo. Try and find me. And Tom.
It snowed a whole lot last weekend. We got over a foot of snow and classes were canceled on
Monday and Tuesday. And since I'm a jackass, I like to trick people by putting up away messages
that say classes are canceled. Danwho has fallen for it before. HAHAHAH! So I made this site to get
everyone's hopes up and then they get crushed. YES! But the Blizzard of 2003 was highlighted
with a huge ass tractor trailer getting stuck in the snow and seeing every other SUV pull up and
attempt to move the billion pound truck. Retards. Eventually, two tow trucks had to come and
work together and move that shiznit. And plows were everywhere. The City of Harrisonburg
contacted me and asked if I wanted to put a plow on my car and make thirty dollars an hour, so I
said "I guess" and worked for thirty hours non stop. Other than that, fun was had by most
everyone in the snow. And the igloo. Can't forget the igloo. :) Have you ever been in an
igloo? That's what I thought.
Hiiii. I'm gunna make this quick because I
got a whole lotta readin goin on. Obviously the main news in this crazy world of ours is
Operation Iraqi Freedom, aka Operation