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Most recently added jokes These are the most recent jokes added to the Alan's Hum-o-rama's joke library. VOTE: 1 votes 1 votes   It was a terrible night, blowing cold and snow in a most frightful manner. The streets were deserted and the local baker was just about to close up shop when a little man slipped through the door. He carried an umbrella, blown inside out, and was bundled in two sweaters and a thick coat. But even so he still looked wet, freezing, and bedraggled. As he unwound his scarf he said to the baker, "May I have two poppy seed bagels to go, please?" The baker said in astonishment, "Two bagels? Nothing more?" "That's right," answered the little man. "One for me and one for Sherry." "Sherry is your wife?" asked the baker. "What do you think," snapped the little man, "my mother would send me out on a night like this?" [ Top ]  [ Email this joke to a friend ]   thc in urine duration with buy quick fix synthetic urine for thc half life   VOTE: 2 votes 0 votes   Italians You know you're Italian when: 1. You're 5'4", can bench press 225 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you. 2. Your father owns 5 houses, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a '76 Monte Carlo. 3. You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, have no job, but drive a $45,000 Camaro or Firebird. 4. Your 2 best friends are your cousin and your brother-in-laws brother-in-law. 5. You are a card carrying V.I.P. at more than 3 strip clubs. 6. Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing your "Just Do Me" tank top at the beach. 7. At least 5 of your cousins live on your street. 8. All 5 of these cousins are named after your grandfather. 9. If someone in your family grows beyond 5'6", it is presumed his mother had an affair. 10. There were more than 28 people in your bridal party. 11. You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion. 12. At some point in your life, you were a D.J. 13. You have been in a fight defending Sylvester Stallone's acting greatness. 14. Somewhere on your parent's property, there is a shrine to the Madonna. 15. You have at least one sister that went to Beauty School. 16. You have been to a funeral where talk of the deceased is, "He shoulda kept his big yap shut. 17. Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives. [ Top ]  [ Email this joke to a friend ]     VOTE: 1 votes 3 votes   Subject: Husband and Wife Husband: "Let's try different positions tonight". Wife: "That's a good idea, why don't YOU stand by the sink and do the dishes, and I'll lay on the couch and fart". [ Top ]  [ Email this joke to a friend ]   Free! Click here for your chance at free prizes! VOTE: 2 votes 0 votes   A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die: "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of back rubs. Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television. And, most importantly make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" "You're going to die," she replied [ Top ]  [ Email this joke to a friend ]     VOTE: 11 votes 16 votes   A pretty young blonde was attempting to do a jigsaw puzzle and she was becoming very frustrated because she wasn't making any progress on it. She called her boyfriend Tim, and started to cry as she told him about the puzzle. "The pieces are all the same color brown and none of them fit together", she said. Her boyfriend asked her to describe the box the puzzle came in. She told him it was a yellow box with a rooster on it. Her boyfriend told her to stop her crying and put the corn flakes back into the box. [ Top ]  [ Email this joke to a friend ]     VOTE: 3 votes 0 votes   A preacher was making his rounds to his parishoners on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawnmower. "How much do you want for the mower?" asked the preacher. "I'm just trying to make enough money to buy a bicycle," said the little boy. After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, "Will you take my bike in trade for it?" The boy said, "You got a deal." The preacher took the mower and tried to crank it. He pulled on the string a few times with no response from the mower. The preacher called the little boy over and said, "I can't get this mower to start." The little boy said, "That's 'cause you have to cuss at it to get it started." The preacher said, "I'm a minister, and I can't cuss. It's been so long since I've been saved that I don't know if I even remember how to cuss." The little boy looked at him happily and said, "Just keep pulling on that string. It'll come back to ya!" [ Top ]  [ Email this joke to a friend ]     VOTE: 0 votes 1 votes   Whats in common with a blonde and a beer bottle? They're both empty from neck up. [ Top ]  [ Email this joke to a friend ]     Page: 1