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The 200 most recently added 'PG','R' rated jokes

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Joke #5500 Rating: R	0 votes	Click thumb to vote!	1 votes
Old Sailors Never Die... An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks once more for old times sake. He hires a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He�s going at it as best as he can for a guy his age. He asks, "How am I doing?" The prostitute replies, "Well sailor, you�re doing about three knots." "Three knots?" he replies, "What�s that supposed to mean?" She says, "You�re knot hard, you�re knot in, and you�re knot getting your money back."


Joke #5499 Rating: PG	0 votes	Click thumb to vote!	1 votes
Sew what??? Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation the patient wakes up, sits up and demands to know what is going on. "I'm about to close," the surgeon says. The patient grabs his hand and says, "Oh, no you're not! I'll close my own incision." The doctor hands him the needle and says, "Suture self."


Joke #5497 Rating: R	0 votes	Click thumb to vote!	1 votes
A Message From Your Computer: You look really sexy in that...thing you've got on tonight. I like the way your eyes are alwayswhen you read your E-Mail. When you type, it reminds me of a concert pianist tinkling on her keys. You really know how to push the right buttons to turn me on. If I wasn't a computer, I'd show you what "Hard Drive" really means! But Alas, I'm only a bundle of circuits and wires, obeying your every command. Yes mistress! I'll balance your cheque- book. Yes mistress! I'll run your silly little program. Don't get me wrong...I like the Master/Slave thing, but maybe just once in a while you could show some compassion? Maybe instead of just ramming the diskette in, you could slide it in slowly, maybe even blow in the slot first. And maybe instead of just using me and turning me off when you're through, we could talk for a while afterwards? I know other computers have hurt you in the past. But I'm different! I may be a little slow, but I've got a big mouse! So come on baby, don't fight it. You know you want it. I'll just turn off the lights and . . . and . . . what? Ok . . .well, will you at least think about it? I'm so embarrassed, Your Computer.

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Joke #5498 Rating: PG	0 votes	Click thumb to vote!	1 votes
Why do our kids have to take the Iowa Test for Basic Skills? Why can't we have a Georgia Test of Basic Skills with questions like, "Bubba's got three cars and he done traded for two more. How many cement blocks is Bubba gonna need?"


Joke #5496 Rating: PG	0 votes	Click thumb to vote!	1 votes
Having a man in your life is like a deck of cards: You need a heart to love them. You need a diamond to marry them. You need a club to beat them. And you need a spade to bury the bastards.


Joke #5495 Rating: PG	0 votes	Click thumb to vote!	0 votes
There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!" Herman says, "I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!"

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Joke #5494 Rating: PG	0 votes	Click thumb to vote!	0 votes
The Original Hollywood Squares TV Show #4 ... These great questions and answers are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and dull as they are now. (Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.) Q: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? A: George Gobel: Get it in his mouth. Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? A: Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him. Q: James Stewart did it over 20 years ago, when he was 41 years old. Now he says it was "one of the best things I ever did." What was it? A: Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming. Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. ...What are they? A: Charley Weaver: His feet.

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