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39 'PG','R' rated jokes in the category Irish Move to Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 Sequence: Voted funniest Voted lamest Most voted on Oldest -> Newest Newest -> Oldest Joke #2943 Rating: R 45 votes Click thumb to vote! 41 votes An Irishman goes into a pub in London with a little man, 6 inches tall, in his shirt pocket. He says to the barman, "I'd like a pint of Guinness for meself and a thimble of Guinness for me friend." The barman says, "Blimey, what've you got there, Paddy? Is it a little Irish leprechaun?" Paddy answers, "No, it's an Englishman with the shit kicked out of him." Bride-to-Be Sash   Joke #869 Rating: R 42 votes Click thumb to vote! 16 votes Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast? They're hiring. What do toilets, a clitoris, and an anniversary have in common? Men miss them all. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek? Because they're not going to work in the future, either. What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm? A pimp. Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed uses it. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say fuck? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO! What's the Cuban national anthem? "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Ya'll ain't gonna believe this shit."   Joke #3759 Rating: R 38 votes Click thumb to vote! 25 votes An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed, and looked O'Malley in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can't be cured, you'd best put your affairs in order." O'Malley was shocked and saddened. But, being of solid character, he managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room to his son who had been waiting. O'Malley said, "Well, son we Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints." After 3 or 4 pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of O'Malley's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. O'Malley told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave O'Malley their condolences, and they had a couple more beers. After his friends left, O'Malley's son whispered his confusion. "Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer? You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!" O'Malley said, " I don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone." Click Here To Earn $$$ Joke #4098 Rating: R 34 votes Click thumb to vote! 18 votes This man was in a long line at the grocery store. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms. So he asked the checkout girl if she could have some condoms brought up to the register. She asked, "What size condoms?" The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did, she reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him, then picked up the store intercom and said "One box of large condoms to register 5." The next man in line thought this was interesting and, like most of us, up for a cheap thrill. When he got to the register, he told the checker that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought up to the register. She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did, she gave him a quick feel, picked up the store intercom and said, "One box of medium sized condoms to register 5." A few customers back was a teenage boy. He thought what he had witnessed was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live female, so he thought this was his chance. When he got up to the register, he told the checker he needed some condoms. She asked him what size, and he said he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants and he did. She reached over the counter, gave him one quick squeeze, then picked up the intercom and said, "Clean up at register 5!"   Joke #334 Rating: R 29 votes Click thumb to vote! 11 votes "I LOVE YOU" in Different Languages English...........I Love You Spanish.......... Te Amo French........... Je T'aime German.......... Ich Liebe Dich Greek............ S'Agapo Hawaiian....... Aloha Wau la Oe Irish............. Thaim In Grabh Leat Hebrew......... Ani Ohev Otakh Hungarian...... Se Ret Lay Maltese....... Jien Inhobbok Arkansas Redneck .... Nice Tits   Joke #2747 Rating: PG 29 votes Click thumb to vote! 16 votes One day at kindergarten, the teacher says to the class of five year olds, "I'll give $2 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived." An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "Please miss, it was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct." Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "Please miss, it was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry Hamish, that's not right either." Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "Please miss, it was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right. Hymie, come up here and I'll give you your $2." As the teacher was giving Hymie his money, she said "You know Hymie, you being Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ," to which Hymie replied, "I know, in my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business." Looking for a baby gift? Look no further.... Loveabye.com is run by a personal friend. This is the MOST UNIQUE AND WONDERFUL gift for an expecting mom or a newborn child. And its a good cause. Please check it out. Joke #3792 Rating: PG 28 votes Click thumb to vote! 15 votes Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be sayin' a mass for the poor creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there is a new denomination down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature." Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya' tell me the dog was Catholic?"   Move to Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 Sequence: Voted funniest Voted lamest Most voted on Oldest -> Newest Newest -> Oldest