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- THANKS FOR THE EMAILS!
Thanks to all my friends who sent me such important emails
in 2003 & 2004! It's so wonderful that you included me in
your quest to inform! Because of all of you:
- I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out that it's
good for removing toilet stains, and taking the acid build up
off of batteries.
- I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle
infected with AIDS.
- I smell awful, but thank goodness I stopped using deodorant
because it causes cancer.
- I don't leave my car in any parking lot even though I sometimes
have to walk about seven blocks, for fear that someone might
drug me with a perfume sample and then try to rob me.
- I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they will
ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from
hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.
- I stopped consuming several foods for fear that the estrogen
they contain may turn me gay.
- I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because they
are nothing more than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or
feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds
can sell their Big Macs.
- I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that
I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
- When I go to parties, I now don't mix with anybody, for
fear that someone will take my kidneys and leave me taking a
nap in a bathtub full of ice.
- I donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. That
poor sick girl that was about to die in the hospital. Funny thing,
she never seems to get any older.
- I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made, expecting
the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when
I participated in their special email program.
- It's weird, though, that my new free cell phone never arrived,
and neither did the passes for my paid vacation to Disneyland.
- But I am positive that all this is because of the chain I
broke or forgot to follow and I got a curse from hell.
Important Notice!!!! If you don't forward this to at least 1,294
people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will poop on your head
at 7:01p.m. tonight!
- Good solutions!!
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply
pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The
blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables
by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet
seat by simply using the sink.
4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and
bleed for awhile, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent
you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the
snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives,
then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then
you will forget about the tooth ache..
- AND..... Sometimes we just need to remember what The Rules
of Life really are: You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape.
If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and
shouldn't, use the duct tape.
- A man of age 77 and woman of age 76 just got married and
are on their honeymoon. In the hotel room, she slips into something
sexy and crawls into bed and waits for her new groom. He's in
the bathroom sprucing himself up.
She waits.. and waits.. 'til she can't wait any longer. She
gets up and goes to the bathroom and the door. Peering
in she sees him bent over on the toilet trying to put on a condom.
She giggles, "Honey, what are you doing? I'm 86 years
old and can't get pregnant anymore."
- He looks up at her and says, "I know, but honey, you
know how the dampness affects my arthritis."
- Ricky's Daily Words of Wisdom:
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- " Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't
getting any."
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A-Friend about Ricky's Place!
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- Email: Ricky
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