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Drunken Neighbors
Written by Brian on April 30 2004
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Everyone has that neighbor that is always out in his yard doing yard work, working on his car or doing any other kind of work outdoor or in the garage to get away his wife.
This neighbor I am talking about is the one that is always drunk and tips his beer up high in the sky to you when you drive by. This guy sometimes gets drunk and stumbles
on over to your yard to talk about the neighbor hood gossip and offer you a beer. While drinking beer he has to bring up his great skills fishing and talk about fish
you are sure he never caught. If you tell him you won a bunch of money gambling online he says he has won twice as much.
Then he brings out this hunting trophy to prove his manhood to the left. I was lucky enough to snap a picture of it.
He is pretty much a “good ole boy” and very friendly until you do something that pisses him off.
We have been living in this house for a good year and a half now. Met the neighbor hood drunk a few times. Shot the shit with him, listened to his stories and stroked his
ego a little bit. Well last night I decided to have a little party that turned in to a big party. People I had never even met showed up. I started the lil shindig
out with some brats burgers and a few cases of beer. After about 30 people showed up I knew we were gonna need a few more cases. After about 100 people showed up
I new we would need a few kegs. Now I know what your thinking 100 people thats nothing we throw parties with 500 people 10 kegs and drink all night. Well after you
get out of college a Thursday night party is not a huge function. After we made a beer run people getting a little too drunk and the party kinda spread onto the edge
of the neighbors lawn.
The neighbor hood drunk comes over bitching because people are standing on his lawn. He had probably been drinking since 9am and had already passed out.
Most likely we woke him up from his coma from the overly loud stereo. I offered him a beer and he got really pissed off. He started whining about people
trespassing on his lawn. Some people told him too get fuked and he went home to call the cops. Later that night the cops show up and tell us to stay off
his property. We had no problem with this but now the cops were most definatly going to wait down the road to hand out DUI's. Now I got all these drunk
bastards trying to sleep at my house. In the morning I come down stairs and some dueche bag sits up and pukes all over my couch “he was about 10 feet from
the bathroom”. He also decided to leave his shoes on and pass out on my couch 'his shoes were covered in dog crap”. I had no clue who this guy even was.
So me and a few friends decided to let him know how bad he fucked up by smacking him around for a while then escorting him out the front door.
All in all I went from being the one who talked to the drunk neighbor about everyone else in the neighborhood to being the one who is talked about. I am sure
that lame drunk will be talking about us for the next 5 years even after we dont live here anymore. If you see Drunken Bob stumbling around your neighbor hood
tell him he is a stroke :) | | PREV
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