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College Guide to Professional Procrastination
Written by Raffman on December 13 2004
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Everyone does it. No, not masturbation, although that has been argued. Procrastination. And since finals week has arrived for most of us, we figured it was a perfect time to talk about it. Everyone does it, not just college students. Hell, take James Wan for example, who directed the intense horror thiller, SAW. He literally waited until the last minute to find his main character of the movie, who plays the role of Dr. Lawrence Gordon, in Cary Elwes. Due to his almost orgasmic level of procastination, he landed quite possibly the worst possible actor for the job that ended up tarnishing the film for quite a few people. Maybe it's because James Wan is only 25 years old; like it's some innate quality that all young people battle with, who knows. Since I didn't do too well in Geneology in High School biology, let's just leave it at that. So now that you know that procrastination is more than just a collegiate problem, let's attack it full-on and discuss the main mediums procrastination takes in our alcohol-driven lives. The College Downtime Staff sat down over the weekend to discuss this very topic, and after countless hours of procrastination (see what we're talking about!?), and a few non-scientific random public polls, we narrowed our list down to seven methods. If you disagree with us, then let us know in the Forums. Just be prepared for some delicious responses.
The unanimous form of college procrastination, believe it or not, is the Internet. I'd expect every single one of you that is reading this to whole-heartedly agree with me on this, for the very fact that College Downtime exists is as a form of procrastination itself. You can waste time playing flash games, rating mullets, browsing funny pictures, reading the reviews, and oh so much more. Although it pains me to write this, other sites do exist out there that can assist you in your excursion to Procrastination Land even further. All those links you see on the right side of all of College Downtime are other sites, though not as good, that can help you achieve your goal of doing anything than what you're really supposed to be doing. Message boards and forums are extremely popular time-wasters that deserver recognition as well. If you don't believe me, check out College Downtime's forums to see what all the hype is about. Don't blame me if you stay there for hours taking in all of the delicious goodness. It happens to everyone. We already have over 400 victims.
The next form of college procrastination is the television. How many of you throughout your college careers have tried to pull all-nighters to study, only finding yourself still watching late-night infomercials at 4 in the morning when you have a test at 8? If you haven't, you're lying. Heck, if I hadn't procrastinated one night then I would never have seen the fantasmagistical infomercial on the HealthStep. Plus I would've never gotton the once in a lifetime chance to interview Paris Hilton over the phone. With popular college genre shows like The Real World, South Park, and The O.C., it's easy to see why the boob tube is one of the biggest, if not the largest, forms of professional procrastination in college towns everywhere. I for one could probably watch the little robot floor-cleaner thingie for weeks straight, provided I had a lot of stuff coming up that I had to study for.
Alcohol ended up in our number three slot, although it did garner quite a few first place votes. Regardless, alcohol remains as one of the best forms of college procrastination to this very day. And in all reality, I don't see it going anywhere for a very long time. Unless of course if Prohibition starts up again, but that's a whole 'nother article. Alcohol is central to the college lifestyle, so it's only natural that it serves as a major form of professional procrastination. Why would we devote entire media sections here at College Downtime, like Drinking Games, Drunk Stories, and an immense Bartender's Guide if it weren't such a huge part of college? The answer is it's a huge part of college life, so therefore it's a prime tool for procrastination. This form becomes most dangerous when one studys in groups, because all it takes is one of you to mention the word beer to turn the study session into an intense game of Circle of Death. When it comes to alcohol and procrastination I'm basically preaching to the choir.
The last four, while still very popular, didn't garner enough to earn a top three rating, so they won't be dissected as deeply as the first three. These last four, respectively, are sleeping, movies, the opposite sex, and video games. Sleeping is pretty self-explanatory, really. If you don't think so then I'd advise you to stop your addiction to Aderol and you'll see what I'm talking about. With the popularity of DVD's still skyrocketing, not to mention the huge increase of "box-sets" that feature season-long television shows, it's easy to see why movies are such a popular form of procrastination in the college world today. I've wasted literal days at a time watching the first season of 24, and South Park The Movie for hours on end. I knew I should've been studying, but god dammit, I didn't care. I wanted to hear, "Blame Canada!" one more fucking time. The opposite sex came into the number six slot, and if you're confused about this one, well type in the "birds and the bees" into Google and start taking notes. This one, which I guess like all the others, is pretty self-explanatory. The final form of professional procrastination is the video game. The online game Everquest itself has caused thousands upon thousands of weak-minded college students to get kicked out of school, lose their jobs, and even worse, kill themselves. Yes, that game is that addicting. Halo and Halo 2 on the Xbox are nearly just as bad, not to mention the Grand Theft Auto series. A friend of mine my freshman year (3 years ago) actually used to lie to us and say that he was going to look at porn when he actually just went home to play Grand Theft Auto. Hilarious, but very very scary at the same time. You see, procrastination can take many different forms in the college world, whether you notice it or not. Entimologists have even concluded that the hypenated word, "Super-Senior" is derived from the latin word, Procrastatori. Actually I just pulled that out of my ass, but it'd be pretty cool though wouldn't it? Until Wednesday, keep it real.
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