Hum'o'Rama - Specific one shot miscellaneous routines : Redneck

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62 jokes in the category Redneck

	0 votes up	<- Vote! ->	0 votes down	Laff Factor: PG:0

You Might be in a Texas Country Church if:

1. The doors are never locked.

2. The Call to Worship is "Y'all come on in!".

3. People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark.

4. The Preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," and five guys stand up.

5. The restrooms are outside.

6. A member requests to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, "I ain't ever been in a hole it couldn't get me out of."

7. In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of "two calves."

8. When it rains, everybody's smiling.

9. The church directory doesn't have last names.

10. Baptism is referred to as "branding".

11. There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank.

12. Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.

13. The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come on back now, ya hear?"

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funny jokes blond jokes adult jokes irish jokes gay jokes johnny jokes

	4 votes up	<- Vote! ->	42 votes down	Laff Factor: PG:-38

Why did the redneck wash her hair in the sink?
Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

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	21 votes up	<- Vote! ->	52 votes down	Laff Factor: R:-31

Farmer Brown goes out one bay and buys a brand new stud rooster
for his chicken. The cocky young rooster walks over to the old
rooster and says: "OK, old fellow, time to retire." The old
rooster says: "You can't handle all these chickens, look what
it did to me!" The young rooster replies: "Now don't give me a
hassle about this old man. It's time for the old to step aside
and the young take over, so take a hike!" The old rooster
says: "Aw, c'mon, just let me have those two old hens over
there in the corner. I won't bother you." The young rooster
snarls: "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!"
The old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young
rooster: "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race
around the farm house with you. Whoever wins the race gets full
domain over the chicken coop." The young rooster smiles: "You
know I'm going to beat you, old man. So just to be fair, I'm
even going to give you a head start." The two roosters line up
in back of the farm house; a hen clucks "Go!" and the old
rooster takes off running. About 5 seconds later the young
rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farm
house and the young rooster is inches behind the old rooster
and gaining fast. Farmer Brown, sitting on the porch, hearing
the commotion looks up and sees what's going on. Quickly, he
grabs his shotgun and BOOM! The young rooster is blown to
smithereens! Farmer Brown sadly shakes his head in
disgust: "Damn! That makes the third gay rooster I bought this
week."

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	5 votes up	<- Vote! ->	9 votes down	Laff Factor: PG:-4

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM THE SOUTH WHEN...

Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a tractor
on the highway near Chipley.
"Vacation" means going to the family reunion.
You've seen all the big bands 10 years after they were popular
You measure distance in minutes.
You know several people who have hit a deer.
Your school classes were cancelled because of cold.
Your school classes were never cancelled because of heat.
You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day
You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
Stores don't have shopping carts; they have "buggies".
You see a car running in the parking lot at the store
with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to fix dinner
All the festivals across the state are named after a
fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal (including pesky insects!).
You install security lights on your house and garage
and leave both unlocked. (And your car as well!)
You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.
You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and
Tabasco.
You think everyone from a bigger city has an "Northern accent".
The local papers cover national and international news
on one page, but require 6 pages for sports.
You think that the first day of deer season is a
national holiday.
You find 90 degrees "a little warm."
You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer,
Still summer, and Christmas.
There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population
of 1,000 or more.
Going to Walmart is a favorite pastime known as "goin
wal-martin" or off to "Wally World."
You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as
"good chili weather".
A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop ..
it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor.
You recognize that cheese grits and catfish nuggets
a meal that must have been bestowed upon the people by the Lord
Himself.
You can be satisfied with a meal consisting only of a
hunk of bread, with flavored flour and water (a delicacy known
as "biscuits n' gravy").
You understand these jokes and forward them to your
friends from the Florida panhandle and to a few fer-ners who
love you anyway.

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	13 votes up	<- Vote! ->	6 votes down	Laff Factor: PG:7

The latest ploy to drive the Taliban and Al Queda out of the
mountains of Afghanistan is to send in a team of Louisiana
Special Forces.

Billy Bob, Bubba, Boo, Scooter, and Cooter are being sent
in with the following information:

1. The limit is two.

2. The season ended last weekend.

3. They taste just like chicken.

4. They don't like beer, pickup trucks, or country music

5. Some are queer.

That should just about do it. Don't you think?

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