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34 jokes in the category Geographic
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Laff Factor:
PG:1
Pennsylvania Tourist Bureau
This summer, please consider Pennsylvania as your vacation
destination!
But, please be aware of the rules:
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before
breakfast than you'll do all week at the gym. He doesn't need
your respect, but he sure as heck deserves it.
2. It's called a 'dirt road.' No matter how slow you drive,
you're going to get dust on your BMW. We have four-wheel drives
because we need them. Drive it or get it out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were 9 years old.
Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women
will get your butt kicked ... by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $800.00 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to
us if a musky breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for
that little 13-inch trout you fish for ............ bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a flock of dove is coming in,
we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your
ear at the time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only five bucks. We can buy a fifth
for what you paid in the airport for a shot.
9. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and
the Knicks.. and a dang sight more fun to watch.
10. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order
steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and
pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet
tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long
spoon.
11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and
served over ice, or in a can.
12. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real
impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combine that we
drive three weeks a year.
13. Let's get this straight. We have only one traffic light in
some towns. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's
yellow.
14. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks .... because they
want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
15. Yeah, we eat perch .... walleye, too .... and turtle. You
really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
16. They are pigs and cattle. That's what they smell like.
Don't like it? Get over it. I-80 goes two ways and I-79 goes
the other two ....... Pick one.
17. The "r" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
religious holiday held in November. You can even get breakfast
at the church.
18. Most people in pickups wave. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
19. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards.
It spooks the fish.
20. That thing on a rack in the back window of some
pickups....it's probably a gun. Get over it.
Now, enjoy your visit and then go home.
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Laff Factor:
PG:1
ARKANSAS SAT TESTS
SAT tests given in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000, to 16-year-old
students.
Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, Pepper, Mustard and Vinegar
Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an
election.
Q. What is a planet?
A. A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his
adultery.
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow.
Q. How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g.
abdomen)
A. The body consists of three parts - The brainium, the borax
and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain. The
borax contains the heart and lungs. And the abdominal cavity
contains the five bowels: A, E,I, O and U.
Q. What is the Fibula?
A. A small lie.
Q. What does "varicose" mean?
A. Nearby.
Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q. Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section".
A. The caesarian section is a district in Rome.
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab wears on his head.
Q. What is a Hindu?
A. It lays eggs
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PG:1
TEXAN: "Where are you from?"
HARVARD GRAD: "I come from a place where we do not end our
sentences with prepositions."
TEXAN: "OK -- where are you from, jackass?"
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Laff Factor:
PG:6
RULES WHEN VISITING OKLAHOMA
These will be handed to each person as they enter the state.
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before
breakfast than you'll do all week at the gym.
How'd you like to go home and tell your momma you got your ass
kicked by a big guy in bib overalls?
2. It's called a 'gravel road'. No matter how slow you drive,
you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have
a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of
the way!
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were 9 years old.
Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it!
4. Any references to 'corn fed' when talking about our women
will get your ass kicked... by our women!
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us
if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for
those little 13-inch trout you fish for... bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are
making their final approach we will shoot . You might hope you
don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. That's right, whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth
for what you paid in the airport.
9. The SOONERS and the Cowboys are as important here as the
Lakers and the Knicks... and a damn sight more fun to watch.
10. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order
steak and order it rare; or, you can order the Chef's Salad and
pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
11. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with 2 packets
of sugar and a long spoon.
12. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet,
and served over ice!
13. So you have a 60 thousand dollar car. We're real impressed.
We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use 2
weeks a year.
14. Let's get this straight, we have one stoplight in town. We
stop when it's red. Hell, we may even stop when it's yellow.
15. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks because they want to.
So, if you're a feminist... whopdee shit!
16. Yeah we eat catfish, carp, and even turtle. If you really
want sushi and caviar, it's available at the bait shop.
17. They are pigs... and that's what pigs smell like. Get over
it. Don't like it? Interstate 40 goes two ways and I-35 goes the
other two. Pick one.
18. The 'r' refers to the first day of Deer season. It's a
religious holiday it the Saturday before Thanksgiving.
You can get breakfast at the church.
19. So every one in each pickup waves. It's called being
friendly. Understand the concept?
20. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't land in the water
hazards, it spooks the fish.
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Laff Factor:
PG:5
A True Southerner Knows:
1 The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit.
2 Pretty much how many fish make up a mess.
3 What general direction cattywumpus is.
4 That "gimme sugar" don't mean pass the sugar.
5 When somebody's "fixin" to do something, it won't be long.
6 How good a cold grape Nehi and cheese crackers are at a
country store.
7 Knows what, "Well I Suwannee !!" means.
8 Ain't nobody's biscuits like Grandma's biscuits!!
9 A good dog is worth its weight in gold.
10 Real gravy don't come from the store.
11 When "by and by" is.
12 How to handle their "pot likker".
13 The difference between "pert' near" and "a right fer piece".
14 The differences between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and
trailer trash.
15 Never to go snipe hunting twice.
16 At one point learned what happens when you swallow tobacco
juice.
17 Never to assume that the other car with the flashing turn
signal is actually going to make a turn.
18 You may wear long sleeves, but you should always roll 'em up
past the elbows.
19 You should never loan your tools, pick-up, or gun to nobody.
20 A belt serves a greater purpose than holding Daddy's pants
up.
21 Rocking chairs and swings are guaranteed stress relievers.
22 Rocking chairs and swings with an old person in them are
history lessons.
23 How good a cold RC cola and a bag of salted peanuts are at
the country store.
24 When d'rectly is;
25 How much right smart is;
26 How good an RC Cola and a Moon Pie tastes;
27 The difference between a tad and a smidgin;
If you know about 90% of these, you might enjoy
Grits Eggs Bacon and biscuits for breakfast.
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