Alan's Hum-o-rama
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18 jokes in the category Hunting and Farming
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Laff Factor:
PG:-1
Why did the Farmer like farming so much?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Laff Factor:
PG:6
The old Cherokee chief sat in his teepee on the reservation,
smoking the ceremonial pipe, eyeing the US government officials
sent to interview him.
"Chief Two Eagles" one official began, "you have observed the
white man for 90 years. You have observed his wars and his
material wealth. You have seen his progress and the damage he
has done."
The chief nodded that this was so.
The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your
opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"
The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute,
and then calmly replied, "When white men found the land,
Indians were running it. No taxes. No debt. Plenty buffalo.
Plenty beaver. Women did all the work. Medicine man free.
Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing, all night
loving woman." The chief leaned back and smiled and
said, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve system
like that."
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R:21
The Missing Rooster
The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the
chickens he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish
manse. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens.
One Saturday night the cock rooster went missing and as that
was the time he suspected cock fights occurred in the village
he decided to do something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation "Has anybody got a cock?"
- all the men stood up.
"No No" he said, "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a
cock?" - all the women stood up.
"No No" he said, "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a
cock that doesn't belong to them?"
- half the women stood up.
"No No" he said, "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen my
cock?"
- all the nuns stood up.
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R:6
Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is
finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres
of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees
the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.
Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of
almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner when someone
knocks on his door. He it and there is a big, bearded
Vermonter standing there.
"Names Enoch... Your neighbor from four miles over the ridge...
Having a party Saturday... thought you'd like to come."
"Great," says Sam, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet
some local folks. Thank you."
As Enoch is leaving he stops, "Gotta warn you there's gonna be
some drinkin'."
"Not a problem... after 25 years in the computer business, I can
drink with the best of 'em."
Again, as he starts to leave Enoch stops. "More 'n' likely gonna
be some fightin' too."
Damn, Sam thinks... tough crowd. "Well, I get along with people.
I'll be there. Thanks again."
Once again Enoch turns from the door. "I've seen some wild sex
at these parties, too."
"Now that's not a problem" says Sam, "Remember I've been alone
for six months! I'll definitely be there ... by the way, what
should I wear?
Enoch stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want, just
gonna be the two of us."
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R:1306
Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the
other and said, "I've got to take a shit."
The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and
shit."
The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ass."
The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"
The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great
idea-- I'll use that!"
He left and came back with shit all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened
to you?"
The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your ass
with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"
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