Hum'o'Rama - Specific one shot miscellaneous routines : Family & Kids

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457 jokes in the category Family & Kids

	38 votes up	<- Vote! ->	99 votes down	Laff Factor: PG:-61

The Cadbury's Candy Co. and Merck Drug Co. have combined to market the new Mint flavored birth control pill that women may take immediately before sex.

The Pill will be distributed by the large major drug store chains and Wal-Mart's Pharmacies. They're going to be called "Pre-dick-a-mints."

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	21 votes up	<- Vote! ->	7 votes down	Laff Factor: R:14

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.
He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my
grandpa!"
The cop asked, "What's he like?"
The little boy replied, "Jack Daniels and women with big tits"

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	228 votes up	<- Vote! ->	41 votes down	Laff Factor: PG:187

Widdle Wabbits...

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the
sweetest little lisp "Excuthe me, mither, do you keep widdle
wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his
knees so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a
widdle white wabbit or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit
or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her
knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't think
my pet python weally gives a thit."

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	4 votes up	<- Vote! ->	1 votes down	Laff Factor: R:3

LITTLE JOHNNY ON ..... GRAMMAR (2):

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked
for a show of hands from those who could use the
word "beautiful " in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My
father bought my mom other a beautiful dress and she looked
beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on
little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
beautifully."
She said, "Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny.
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that
she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful,... just fucking
beautiful!'"

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	10 votes up	<- Vote! ->	20 votes down	Laff Factor: R:-10

There were three prostitutes living together, a mother,
daughter and grandmother. One night the daughter came home
looking very down. "How did you get on tonight Dear?" asked her
mother. "Not too good," replied the daughter. "I only got $20
for a blow job." "Wow!" said the mother, "In my day we gave a
blow job for 50 cents!" "Good God!" said the Grandmother. "In
my day we were just glad to get something warm in our
stomachs!"

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